Confessions on Happiness

When I was a teenager, my stated goal in life was to be content. Later in life, someone told me that most people’s stated goal in life was to be happy; however, most of them were remarkably discouraged with their lives.

I think of myself generally as a positive, happy person. Materially, I have a great job, a great husband, a great home in a great community, and great friends. I volunteer time with a non-profit theater company, play the piano, and am exploring the world of photography. I have two cats who like to cuddle at their discretion. So OF COURSE I’m going to be happy, right? Well…I am, but maybe not for the obvious reasons.

I once made a statement that got an unexpected reaction. I simply said, “I really have trouble remembering to not slouch, I have to think about it constantly.” My friend listening to this statement expressed surprise. I’m not sure whether she thought that I slouched constantly and was therefore failing miserably at my effort at good posture, or that she thought that my good posture was effortless. Regardless, the episode pointed out to me two things. One, our individual experiences are unique. Others don’t intuitively know our successes or trials, and we don’t know theirs. Two, we are more alike than we often admit. I don’t believe that people are successful or even happy without exerting effort. We may just not be privy to what effort is actually involved.

I firmly believe that my approach to life is the key to my happiness. The popular sentiment is often repeated that you make your own happiness, or that you choose to be happy. I believe this, too.

I take a strong lesson from Buddhism: to be mindful. To think of the path of everything and everyone around you. To remember that the disposable plastic bowl that is used at a picnic began as oil, mined from the earth, distilled in a factory, extruded into the shape of a bowl, packaged in a plastic sleeve, packed in a cardboard box, driven to a warehouse and distributed to your local grocery store, unpacked onto a shelf, picked up and purchased, driven home and then to the picnic, soiled, thrown in the trash, driven to a landfill, and finally buried in a concrete-lined hole in the ground. I appreciate the effort and the transience of my world. To remember that you don’t know what happened earlier in the day to the person who was absent-minded or rude to you while walking down the street. I don’t and can’t know other people’s perceptions of the world, and I must respect that. To remember that every decision you make will impact the people around you, and to be conscientious of unintended consequences. Respect your travel mates in your journey through life.

I also have a strong practical lesson that I learned quickly as an adult: don’t take it personally. Essentially,”it’s not all about me.” The choices that I make impact others, and the choices of others impact me. I have control over the first, and I have no control over the latter. Just because something bad happens, it doesn’t mean that harm was meant towards me, or that I did something bad to deserve it. I accept this and deal with the consequences of living, which generally means that shit will happen. If someone seems to live a blessed life, it probably just means that they encounter said shit, and took a minute to shovel it out of their path rather than wading in it. Bad things happen to everyone, but we all handle the situation in our own ways, with different outcomes.

And finally, I love the concept of karma. I don’t believe that if you do ill, that a cosmic being will smite you, or that there is a karmic bank in the sky where you deposit and withdraw good and bad credits. Instead, I believe that the community remembers when you are kind or well intentioned, and they remember when you are dismissive or downright malicious. I also believe that they will treat you in kind, and that is how community balance is achieved. Tied to this is the idea that you get what you give, not only with regard to intent, but also to effort. If you actively participate, you have a say in where you are and what you are doing; if you passively let things happen to you, you place yourself to be influenced by the whims of the world and its billions of inhabitants. Take responsibility rather than shifting it elsewhere.

Last night I was reminded to shout my intentions out to the universe. And so here is a piece of them. As I enter my 30’s, I remind myself that I want to continue to make myself a better person, in part by making life easier for everyone I contact in whatever way I can. I can share how I make myself content, in hopes that someone else might find an idea that applies to their life, and makes them a little happier. I can smile at a stranger and wish them good morning, hold a door for someone with their hands full, or pick up something that they dropped. I can refrain from being annoyed at a perceived wrong, thereby preventing an unpleasant situation from escalating simply because my pride was bruised. I can do my best to keep life in perspective: of what’s really important, and the impact of my action or inaction.